Introduction

After a stroke the world out there, the real world, can seem quite daunting, even hostile. Released from the cocoon, the protective micro cosmos called hospital, you are like a baby the first time out in the open, out in the big, wide world. You face reality.

The first time on your own. Even though family, friends and partners, don't think so because they support you. Their support is different from the type you've received in hospital. You feel on your own. Not only do you feel on your own, but suddenly you realise that you have aged by 10-20, or more, years, your emotions are in turmoil, your body doesn't move the way you want it to, and for some reason your voice doesn't sound quite the same as it did the day before. All this happened over night. From one minute to the next. You can't believe it.

I have met people who didn't even know they had had a stroke during the night, until they got out of bed and fell to the ground. For my part, I felt it violently, and I felt as if someone had taken something away from me. A few years. I had aged.

With luck, your partner is still with you, otherwise you'll seriously begin to wonder whether there will ever be a partner for you again. Whether you are still attractive enough to a prospective partner. Maybe you are. After all, you are still the same person. Well, at least that's what you think. And that's exactly where the problem lies. You think you are normal, but you're not. You just don't want to believe it. You are probably the only person who thinks you are normal. Truly! Ask your friends. And, by the way, you'll find out who your friends are.

You can't blame anybody for feeling uncomfortable around you. It is human nature that anything out of the ordinary has to be approached with caution. Just think of yourself as being extra-ordinary. Wouldn't you be a little bit intimidated by a disabled person? I would... I actually have been. It happened when a friend of mine came over a few weeks after he had a stroke. It was a relatively mild one, but enough that I didn't know how to act or react. I was in shock. Me, who had gone through the same thing...only more severe.

Anyone who is face to face with a stroke victim who is just out of hospital is in shock. Several doctors assured me that this is a perfectly normal reaction. What is not normal is the behaviour that usually follows. One doesn't know what to do. There are so many questions. Most importantly: How do I not make a fool of myself, and, the stroke victim? Few of us have experience in dealing with people like this.

Which is where this book comes in. It aims to help. No, it's not a rule book, because it would be impossible to guide anyone through these numerous situations. Each stroke is different. Each person is different. Each situation is different. There is certainly no recipe for a survival of an encounter of the stroke kind! All this book can do, and wants to do, is help. Help stroke victims to have a "deja-vu-experience" when they read about a situation. Help caregivers to achieve a better understanding, and help people who just happen to come into contact with a stroke victim, to be more relaxed. Included are experiences from stroke victims, caregivers, physiotherapists, nurses, occupational therapists, and doctors. Many people have written to me, I searched the Internet, and corresponded with several stroke clubs and individuals.

So, what makes me the expert? Nothing really. But I happen to have some exquisite credentials. To put these credentials on the table, here is an article, entitled "Why not me?", which was published in the newsletter of the Auckland Stroke Foundation a few months after I got out of hospital.