Alma:

I had a severe stroke in January 1992 and since then have suffered many minor ones, each leaving me a little more debilitated. My difficulties and frustrations are with me every day. One difficult thing for me to deal with is a new outspokenness. Where once I would have remained silent, now I find, a thought, remark, or comment no sooner enters my mind, then it flows off my tongue and often upsets people unintentionally. Another frustration is always having to rely on others to ferry me from A to B, never being able to be independent of others. Unable to have a day shopping - a walk in the park - or even a visit to a garden centre. Then there are the simple things. Threading a needle, reading a book, hearing without having to ask people to repeat their words.

There are the sudden noises, or the loud scream of a child, raised voices, fast movement of people running, or traffic flowing, horns sounding and I jump, my nerves are on edge, no longer able to always control my feelings, I find solace in the silence of my room, where I'm often awash with tears. I may long for death but never contemplated suicide, my belief is based on faith, the life within me is God given, and only He has the right to take it back.

One of the most aggravating, belittling and frustrating things of all, is the people, who think because your face is slightly contorted, and you walk with an ungainly shuffling movement, sight and hearing slightly diminished, that your brain has fled and as you are no longer capable of answering for yourself, they address others re your needs. I had a miraculous cure, which lasted a month, then down I went with another stroke. I would love to be able to conquer those words that elude me, but they have gone forever. To be able to lie down on the left side of my body without the horrendous pain, for my left arm and hand no longer are sensitive to touch. To be able to weed the garden and so many of the old pleasures one can no longer partake in.

The thing I hate most of all, is my dribbling chin. I am aware of it and constantly wiping my mouth. But among all our likes and dislikes, we must be always aware and grateful for the care of our family or minders. They are often taken for granted. We must acknowledge our love and gratitude for all they do for us. I know I am a tie, a burden, and struggle to helping, and that a sign of affection makes a difference to one's day.